August 08, 2008
You can have sex and intimate relationships if you have an ostomy.
People with ostomies who don’t have partners often worry about when to tell new boyfriends or girlfriends about their ostomies. That’s up to you. Some people feel more comfortable getting it out in the open right away; others want to get to know and trust a potential partner first. Do what feels right for you. Know that rejection is possible, and give new partners time to consider what an ostomy means to your relationship. Answer questions openly and honestly.
You’ll need time to recover after surgery. And depending on what type of ostomy surgery you had, you may experience some temporary sexual side effects, such as erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness. But sexual intimacy can continue if you have an ostomy. If you feel less attractive with your ostomy, take your return to intimacy slowly. Maybe you aren’t ready to have sex right away. Discuss this with your partner. Suggest starting with touching and kissing. Your partner can help make you feel more comfortable and reassure you that you are just as attractive with an ostomy.
Take steps before sex or intimacy to make you feel more confident. Empty and clean your ostomy pouch. Check the seal to make sure it’s tight. Use an opaque pouch or try a pouch cover. Lingerie and cummerbunds made to conceal a pouch or hold it in place are available from specialty retailers. Ask your ostomy nurse about companies that sell these products.
Certain aspects of sex may change with an ostomy. You might find that some sexual positions put pressure on your ostomy and are uncomfortable. Experiment with new positions, such as lying on your side.
A woman who’s had her colon and rectum removed may experience a different sensation during vaginal penetration. The lack of cushioning from the colon and rectum may cause discomfort. But intimacy can continue if you’re willing to experiment to find other ways to make you feel comfortable during sex.
